By LKB
The “Dinner Party Hypothetical” is a common psychological thought experiment. In it, you’re asked to list a set number of people from history that you would invite to a dinner party (with the assumption, of course, that everyone would be fitted with something like a Babel Fish that removes any language or communication barriers).
Today’s experiment: Assume you can magically invite eight People of the Gun to dinner from all throughout history, whether they’re firearms designers, manufacturers, soldiers, lawmen, shooters, hunters…the choice is yours. They will attend a private range day with you along with your selection of modern and vintage weapons and ammo available for everyone’s examination and use. The range day would then be followed by a barbeque dinner with plenty of appropriate libations and cigars.
Who would you invite and why? Think about it and jot down your own choices before reading further. It makes this all the more fun.
My choices, as well as those of Dan Z. and my colleague and occasional TTAG contributor Peter Schechter are below. Rules were that each of us had to come up with our eight guests without prompting or seeing who the others had chosen, and after seeing each other’s lists you could list four more as honorable mentions or backups.
What’s interesting is that two people made it onto everyone’s list: John Moses Browning and Jerry Miculek.
What say you?
LKB’s Great Eight
John Moses Browning – No comments necessary. Probably the best gun designer in history.
Manuel Mondragon – Decades ahead of his time. The best gun designer you probably never heard of.
Porter Rockwell – Widely considered to be the deadliest and most ruthless lawman of the Old West. Opinions differ on whether he was a lawman, a criminal, or both, but no one disputes his manhunting abilities and his utter effectiveness with a gun.
Frank Hamer – Last of the old school Texas Rangers.
Carlos Hathcock – Probably the finest American sniper in history.
Simo Häyhä – The “White Death” of the Russo-Finnish Winter War. Credited with more kills than the preceding three put together…and he did it in less than 100 days.
Theodore Roosevelt – Hunter, shooter, soldier, rancher, conservationist, and larger-than-life persona (also the 26th President of the United States).
Jerry Miculek – Is he human, or is he actually an alien species? How can anybody do stuff like this?
LKB Comments: Many of my choices are based on the likely interactions and reactions of the various attendees to each other; e.g., Browning and Mondragon, Browning and Hathcock, Hathcock and Häyhä, Miculek and Hamer and Rockwell, TR and everyone.
LKB’s honorable mentions
Elmer Keith – Inventor of the .357, .41, and .44 magnums. I grew up reading his columns and “Hell, I was there!”
Jim Corbett The paradigm “Great White Hunter,” specializing in hunting maneaters.
Georg Luger How he managed to create a near perfect version of his iconic pistol on his first try, and why he did so little thereafter, has always been a mystery to me.
George S. Patton He was robbed at the 1912 Olympics, because he insisted on shooting his duty-issue .38 rather than the .22’s shot by his competitors. And like TR, a larger-than-life persona.
Peter Schechter’s Great Eight
John Moses Browning – Pioneering gun designer, inventor.
Samuel Colt – Avid hunter, inventor, gun designer.
Peter Paul von Mauser – Gun designer who perfected the bolt-action rifle, among other achievements.
Jerry Miculek – Superhuman marksman and shooter. I would love to listen to him pose questions to the first three (and I’d savor the range time spent just watching him shoot).
Marion Morrison, a/k/a John Wayne – He was an interesting guy in real life, and would enjoy the party (also an avid hunter and angler).
Napoleon Bonaparte – Not only did he enjoy a good hunt, he was also a keen collector of fine guns and other weapons.
Annie Oakley – Needs no introduction, probably the greatest trick shooter of all time.
Theodore Roosevelt Jr. – 26th President of the United States, statesman, soldier, conservationist, naturalist, hunter, historian.
Peter Schechter’s honorable mentions
Dwight D. Eisenhower – 34th President of the United States, Supreme Allied Commander, Supreme Headquarters Allied Expeditionary Forces (SHAEF), 16 January 1944 – 14 July 1945. Avid lifelong hunter, angler, outdoorsman.
Winston Churchill – Enjoyed hunting and fishing throughout his life, when he could find the time.
Gen. Manuel Mondragón – So I could ask him “What on earth were you thinking when you designed that bayonet?”
Curt Gowdy – He must have some great stories to tell about his adventures as host of The American Sportsman.
Dan Zimmerman’s Great Eight
John Moses Browning – No explanation necessary.
Hiram Maxim – He invented the machine gun. Oh, and suppressors, too. And probably beat Edison to the punch on the light bulb, too. I’ll want to record every word of the exchanges between him and JMB.
Lyudmila Pavlichenko – Anyone who killed that many Nazis can sit at my dinner table any night she wants.
W.D.M. Karamojo Bell – One of history’s great polymaths, Bell was a soldier, sailor, artist, pilot, and one of the world’s great hunters (and hunting writers).
Eugene Stoner – He invented America’s rifle, one of the best, most versatile, and adaptable small arms platforms ever devised.
Mikhail Kalashnikov – Commie or not, he invented a hell of a good, reliable rifle.
Jerry Miculek – He does things you just didn’t think were possible and does them over and over again.
Dan Zimmerman’s honorable mentions
Chris Kyle – The legend.
Sam Colt – He made all men equal.
Buffalo Bill Cody – The entertainment value alone would be more than worth having him there.
Bob Munden – Miculek and Munden at the range together? Mow much more fun can you possibly have?
