We’re firmly of the opinion that tweets like the one above and articles like this one that invariably pop up every year in the run-up to red-blooded Americans’ favorite holiday are nothing but clickbait meant to provoke the normies, generate outraged social media posts, and get tongues a-wagging.
We doubt that either your spinster Aunt Karen from Portland or your pajama-boy cousin who’s home on break from Oberlin (where’s he’s still working on his masters in Grievance Studies) will actually bring up gun control at the Thanksgiving dinner table tomorrow. But if you’re unlucky enough to encounter a relative who actually does, don’t let it affect your vibe…or your appetite. They’re just not worth it.
The appropriate response is simple and satisfying. Don’t engage…just smile at them, put another spoonful of dressing on your plate, and then suggest they stuff their insufferable pie hole with another forkful of the vegan Tofurky they brought with them so you can continue to enjoy the real thing in peace.
If they persist for some reason, you can then tell the story of your latest deer, pig, dove — or turkey — hunt, how much fun it was, and how nice it is to have all of that delicious organic meat in your freezer.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving tomorrow. No matter what.
